Wednesday, October 23, 2024

I’m Too Outdated to Be a Transient Dirtbag

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It hit me just lately that I’ll by no means be a ski bum.

You already know the man (or lady) that strikes to a city and takes a low-pressure job like snowplowing or parking vehicles, and shares a rental with six different guys and spends all of his free time snowboarding the native resort. I used to be obsessive about ski films as a child (shout out to Aspen Excessive), and I all the time assumed I’d reside that way of life sooner or later throughout my tenure on planet earth. I might spend a 12 months or three devoting myself to the artwork of shredding the gnar after which get on with my profession and begin contributing to the gross home product like a great citizen. 

I don’t assume I’ve ever actually given up on that dream, I simply saved suspending it for different issues like school, graduate college, “actual” jobs, marriage. I might get to it, although. I is perhaps a little bit older after I moved into that rental with half a dozen guys on the base of the hill, however I’d nonetheless do it. 

However I had a second of readability just lately as I approached my forty seventh birthday, the place I needed to admit that I is perhaps too previous for that way of life now. To be trustworthy, I can’t even fathom sharing a toilet with a number of different dudes at this level in my life, and my disgust with communal loos outweighs my need to ski sick pow frequently.  

This epiphany was sobering, as a result of, if my window for being a ski bum has closed, which means I’m going to die with out ever having skied the Powder 8’s competitors (Aspen Excessive) or raced the tacky company shill for my job and soul of the mountain (Ski Faculty) or thwarted the event mogul’s plans to show my blue-collar mountain right into a excessive finish resort (Out Chilly). I’m 47 years previous, midway via my life and, apparently, I haven’t lived in any respect. What the hell have I been doing with myself? 

Whats up mid-life disaster. 

Having reached this pivotal level in my story arc, I can perceive how some males (and ladies) make unhealthy decisions that trigger everlasting injury to their family members. I’m speaking about grown males who bleach their hair, purchase a motorbike, and transfer in with their yoga teacher. I’m not likely into yoga or bikes (I’m ambivalent about bleached hair), however I’d be mendacity if I stated I didn’t sometimes take into consideration spending all of my cash on a very nice van and driving west till I reached a really tall, very snowy mountain. Or hell, a seashore with a strong proper break. I had plans to be a seashore bum too. Watching The North Shore, which takes the usual ski bum film plot and strikes it to Hawaii’s surf tradition, was simply as formative to me as Aspen Excessive. I all the time deliberate on squeezing the surf bum life between my ski bum years and writing the good American novel. I’m an affordable man, I might make seashore life work. 

However I like my spouse and youngsters. I can’t depart them. And uprooting their lives so I can reside my ski/surf bum desires in all probability isn’t life like. Would my potential roommates even be cool with the truth that I’d be bringing my spouse and youngsters alongside for the experience as we used our sick ski expertise to stay it to the person? In all probability not. So, I simply should admit that the window for that kind of journey is closed for me. 

It’s nice. I’m older now. I’ve duties. I have to shift my focus to actions which are extra age acceptable. I’m within the “birding window” now. That’s cool. And glamping. That looks as if an acceptable exercise for somebody in my stage in life. I do have a nasty again and sleeping on an opulent queen mattress in the midst of the woods sounds higher than sleeping on a skinny inflatable pad that deflates midway via the night time. Perhaps the glamping tent would have electrical energy so I might plug in my C-Pap machine. So yeah, I’ll simply spend the following few many years birds and bedding down in overly priced canvas tents adorned with fake bearskin rugs, lamps, and writing desks. I’m psyched. 

Or possibly I simply want somebody to write down a distinct kind of ski/surf bum film. One with a decidedly older forged of characters which are nonetheless shredding the native hill/surf break and utilizing their ski/surf expertise to combat the property builders for the soul of stated native hill/surf break, however as an alternative of all of them sharing a one-bedroom run-down rental with a communal toilet, every of the characters has invested properly to allow them to reside in a fairly appointed standalone dwelling with their wives and youngsters. And people properties are in a great college district, as a result of that’s essential too. 

And as an alternative of partying all night time, these ski/surf bums will sometimes have two or three well-crafted native IPAs and share a charcuterie board and speak about podcasts they actually like earlier than going to mattress at an affordable hour, to allow them to rise up early the following morning and have sufficient time to stretch their unhealthy backs earlier than shredding deep pow for the soul of the mountain/surf break. And sure, there can be nice ski/surf scenes however in all probability not plenty of aerials as a result of the characters have unhealthy backs and in the event that they get harm it could severely affect their productiveness at work. And this film would have loads of zany pranks and shenanigans, however the sort the place ladies are handled with respect, no person will get harm (see: unhealthy backs, above), and everybody could make it for charcuterie and IPAs on the finish of the day. 

That’s a film that I’d watch. Hell, that’s a film that I might use as inspiration for the second half of my life. So possibly I haven’t missed my ski/surf bum window, in any case. Perhaps that window has simply developed into a distinct, customized window constructed from recycled supplies which have superior insulative properties. Perhaps it’s only a extra accountable, well-appointed ski/surf bum window now.  

Cowl photograph courtesy of the creator.

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