Tending Jeremiah

I work as a caregiver for a younger man who spends most of his waking hours in a wheelchair. This entails cooking (and chopping up) his meals, transfers to and from the toilet, altering diapers and garments, brushing enamel, stretching calves and toes, then transferring him safely into mattress at evening. 

Jeremiah by no means complains to me about his scenario in life. Moderately, he asks about my life—what I did after yesterday’s shift, what my plans are for tomorrow. Whereas I by no means fairly lie, I discover myself omitting sure particulars in hopes of defending him from potential envy or ache. How would possibly somebody with out full use of their limbs really feel once I point out plans to hike a woodsy path, minimize vines from timber, collect rocks for a hearth pit, or just saunter right into a riverside bar for a drink? Since assembly Jeremiah, I’ve grow to be conscious of simply how a lot of my life revolves across the freedom to maneuver about at any time when I select. Simply strolling exterior to pee on the compost heap is a luxurious I do know I ought to take without any consideration no extra.

And but, I’m solely human. 

One morning I’m silently lamenting having agreed to work three 16-hour shifts in a row. I’m lacking mornings at house, lacking my ritual of strolling in regards to the backyard with that first cup of espresso. I’m craving a complete day to myself in Nature with none plans aside from to depend geese hovering above, and my aim is to slide away from Jeremiah’s house with out dialog. However the daytime caregiver is operating late, so when Jeremiah calls out to say he’s awake, I’m going to his room to assist him from mattress.

As we’re transferring into the toilet, Jeremiah thanks me for staying the additional half hour and tells me that I’m individual. I don’t point out the egocentric ideas I used to be having solely moments earlier than. I simply say that he’s individual too. When Jeremiah asks what I’ll be doing at this time, I say I’m trying ahead to spending a while within the woods. “Nicely, I’m trying ahead to getting my new wheelchair,” he responds. Not solely does the brand new mannequin have a built-in music system that may enable him to play his favourite tunes, the wheelchair comes with a sophisticated battery system that’s simpler to cost and can scale back my workload at evening. 

I almost cry when Jeremiah mentions how blissful it makes him to enhance my life. On the drive house, I can’t get Jeremiah out of my thoughts. Whereas I’d been selfishly agonizing over all that I missed, he was being grateful for good issues to come back.

I carry Jeremiah in my ideas as I stroll to a bell that hangs from a tree close to a stream. That is the place I linger most mornings considering of buddies who’re coping with difficulties. I’m not non secular, however it’s grow to be my ritual to ring the bell of their honor whereas sending good ideas. At present I ship these ideas to Jeremiah, considering how a lot I’ve come to admire and respect him, how fortunate I’m that he entered my life. As I’m considering all this, the forest comes alive as if we’re in dialog. Leaves dance my approach in spirals of pleasure, and all that’s been bothering me out of the blue appears inconsequential.

You see, I wasn’t overwhelmed solely from working lengthy hours. My accomplice is leaving quickly to show abroad. For weeks, we’ve been rushed and disjointed whereas scurrying about on hectic schedules. There have been minor disagreements surrounding whose flip it’s to do that or that chore, and simply yesterday in a sleep-deprived state I snapped and stated one thing harsh. She didn’t communicate a lot after this, whereas I felt responsible for hurting the individual I like most on the planet. 

At present I contemplate all this down by the bell—how, compared to lives spent in wheelchairs, most of our issues are minor. I vow that, within the new yr, I’m going to be extra grateful. Then I resolve that I’m not ready; I’m beginning the brand new yr proper now.

Once I emerge from the forest, I uncover my accomplice lacing her sneakers in a sunny spot close to our backyard. I haven’t seen her for 3 days, and I’m awestruck by her magnificence. She seems to be dazzling, refreshed—luminous, actually—and I maintain her in my gaze, considering, How fortunate we’re!

I kneel beside her in just about the identical place the place I kneel every night once I are inclined to Jeremiah. As I place my palms upon the sturdy thighs my accomplice makes use of to energy herself on gazelle-like runs by way of the woods, she smiles to let me know that my latest missteps and poorly chosen phrases are forgiven.

“You look ten years youthful than once I final noticed you,” I say. “Did you sleep further final evening?” 

“No,” she responds as she stands and begins to bounce like a teen on nimble legs. “I’ve been up for hours making a gratitude record.” 

Then with out saying extra, my accomplice units off on her run. I watch as she leans into—then merges with—the wind and the forest as she gathers velocity and seems to drift over pine needles and leaves. I marvel on the smallest of issues—which could not be so small in any case. 

Cowl photograph: Picture courtesy of the writer.